This is just plain weird

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I just told Moata on Twitter that pregnancy is weird. And it is.

Hang on, has this just turned into a pregnancy blog? I mean, the latest three entries (this one included), have been all about being in the family way. Argh, I’m sorry, but being pregnant is a crazy new world that is full of strange things that are way more interesting than my usual day-to-day. Like this evening I discovered a little rash on my belly, and I’m all well that’s worth blogging about!

It isn’t, of course, but my normal sense of logic seems to have taken a leave of absence. Crazy pregnant lady in the house y’all. (See? I would never usually just drop a “y’all” in a blog post. Who am I?)

I won’t go into detail about the rash – but I do want to tell you that it had me googling “pregnant rash on belly”, and you guys, some of the things you find yourself googling when you are pregnant are just downright bizarre. And a word to the wise, think twice before image-searching anything to do with pregnancy.

 

**Note: 31, 400, 000 results. So nice to know there has been many a paranoid pregnant lady before me.

 

Aside from the morning sickness, which I’m not going to complain about again in this particular entry, your body starts doing some really strange stuff when you’re pregnant. I’m not even showing yet, but still I feel like the baby is already pulling rank and calling the shots. This seven centimetre (half a banana!) sergeant major is all “right, I’m in charge now, let’s give you a taste of things to come, time to stir things up!”.

Um, it feels weird to say this, but things are moving around in there. Well think about it, I’m not really any fatter yet, but the baby and all the carry-on it’s swimming around in has been getting bigger week by week. It is taking up the space where other parts of my insides have been residing quite happily for years. So those things are now on the move – upwards it seems. Being aware of my internal organs shifting north to make room for sergeant major is not a normal feeling, not normal at all. I can only imagine it gets worse, and I find it difficult to envisage myself ever getting used to the idea of my body parts relocating. I’ll keep you posted on that one.

I can’t tell you about a lot of the other weird stuff that happens when you are pregnant, because it’s too gross and quite frankly you’re better off not knowing. I am doing you a favour right now.

There’s no reason for me to be oversharing alone here. Please, tell us all about the times your body has given you a bit of a fright and started doing odd things that made you feel like you don’t even know yourself anymore…

26 Comments

  1. “I can’t tell you about a lot of the other weird stuff that happens when you are pregnant, because it’s too gross” I am assuming that most of your followers are grown ups who have had children? so (I presume ) we all know what said gross stuff is 0-o , you will learn that it is all natural & you will begin to embrace it .
    Being pregnant is a gift so embrace it , even the shitty parts. Your body is creating & nurturing a new life ,, how cool is that 🙂

  2. The time I recall is what lead to me going to the doctors, on to specialists, and an MRI scan and the discovery of two little (benign) brain tumours.

    Was rubbing massage oil into wifey’s back (she wasn’t wifey then). As I gazed upon her back a spot appeared. Bright white. Almost circular but with a wavey bottom. So to speak.

    It changed colour and started moving about around her back.

    “My golly gosh”, thinks I, “That’s a funny thing for her to have on her back”. But when I looked up it was still in front of my eyes.

    About the same time, I was having recurrent grey-outs. You know how sometimes when you stand up suddenly, you go dizzy? Maybe vision greys out. Maybe a bit of ringing in the ears? I was getting that at various times even when sitting down.

    Tie this in with how many years earlier (I was still living at home with Mum) I’d decided to go up to my squash club for a sauna. Headed into the bedroom to get changed, sat on my bed, and next think I knew I was lying on my back, and felt I couldn’t move. I remember clearly thinking “Oh, this isn’t very good. I better call out for help”. All that came out was a gurgle, and I thought “Oh bugger. This really isn’t good. Oh hell, I think I’m having a stroke”.

    I was able to kick out so kicked at my dressing table hoping to get my Mum’s attention. Apparently, she thought I was just having a bit of a temper tantrum. When things went quiet, she got a little worried. She popped in to check and found me convulsing on the floor, beside my dresser, with my TV about to fall on top of me.

    The first thing I remember is an ambulance office standing beside me (having been moved). Black. In the ambulance. Black. On the guerney at A&E.

    Wasn’t scary for me so much. Poor mum had just given up smoking.

    The tumours – a 2cm one in the corpus collosum and a 1cm one on a parietal lobe – were named Tweety and Sylvester by darling wifey. Many years on, Tweety has disappeared completely, and Sylvester is still hanging around, unchanged.

  3. I like the part when the baby is really visible and you can watch them moving around, it’s like a little tummy alien. The whole feet in the ribcage thing is less pleasant.
    I had a habit of passing out in public when I was pregnant with two of my kids. Stupid low blood pressure.

  4. after childbirth you get to kiss goodbye to dignity – no more embaressment about anything to do with nether regions! I’m sure you’ve found it already but babycentre.com.au is a great website, I used to email my hubby the week by week info every monday at work – he loved it (and it was a great way to kill time at work before lunch rolled around!) Having twins it was great fun to watch them playfight each other in my tummy, one side wold go up and ‘kick out’ and then the other sde would go down and then come back with a bick kick/punch combo. The joy of having one baby under your ribs while having bronchitis, and the other baby on your bladder when you’re coughing excessively due to the bronchitis was just awesome – I learnt the value of those poise pads I tell you! 🙂

  5. jessicapea says

    Woah, good gravy, that’s an intense story!

    I had my baby 8 months ago so reading your entries is like a little bit of time travel for me 🙂 I didn’t love being pregnant, it’s uncomfortable, sometimes painful and you can’t have your favorite foods; but as soon as I got home with Quinn, I was so sad to not be pregnant any more (like crying on the porch sad) and I am really looking forward to next time. Actually I think that is the time where I have felt most blindsided by my body – the incredible emotional roller coaster immediately after having baby.

  6. certified says

    Google can be your best friend in pregnancy and your worst nightmare, because as many entries you find telling you that what you are experiencing is normal and nothing to worry about will be matched by ones telling you that your baby is in grave danger of falling out your knee caps. A pregnant woman is already crazy, we don’t need google aiding us on that journey!

    Can’t say I loved being pregnant either, in fact I pretty much complained my way through it – my husband will attest to that! It never stopped being weird to accept that the reason I couldn’t take a deep breath was because a bloody baby was inside me – my bloody baby no less. I know that sounds entirely stupid but when it’s actually happening to you the theory of procreation takes on a whole new meaning.

    I still look back and shake my head at how crazy that 9 months of my life was. And on reflection, it is cool but I am just like you – a realist. I figure too many woman focus on the magic it of it all and not enough point out to crappy bits, not to put you off but just so they don’t seem so daunting when they hit.

  7. Phoebe1 says

    Guess I am just going to have to say once the morning/all day sickness passed at 13 around weeks I enjoyed being pregnant .No drama, nothing different other than the wee soul kept growing as he was supposed to and I had a enlarging tummy all in the front. From the back you could not tell I was pregnant. Worked,Wore high heels,wore a bikini, drank coffee,ate cheese,and fish, no cravings. Just behaved normally. He moved around kicked and partied as expected. Fabulous!!
    Rubbed skin with plenty of baby oil several times every day so didn’t get stretch marks.
    Developed LARGE boobs
    I was pregnant not sick!!

    • Agree, although I am short, had big babies and got HEAPS of stretchmarks. Aparently some people have a genetic predisposition to them and others don’t. Also my time frames were slightly different to yours, sick a bit longer, but not too much. Got large boobs that never went back to their old size. Always wondered where my internal organs got squished up to once the baby was partying in and occupying all the tummy space (formerly occupied bu stomach, intestines, liver etc.etc.)

      • Phoebe1 says

        I must have a different thought pattern as wondering about internal organs didn’t occur to me, well it did when baby sat on my bladder or kicked it, Thank god we are all different.

        Re the fright from body experiences, I had the scariest experience from something that still gives me hell, when the Doc in hospital said ” we don’t have a procedure/ operation to deal with that” i.e. in brain and not fixable, have to live with it.

        So I do, as chirpily as I can, at least I can hold a conversation and write comments on a blog!!

      • I guess a positive note on that is that you can at least live with it. Better than the alternative. 🙂

    • Phoebe1 says

      True but it does have it’s funny side when I am talking or writing and the dictionary just empties, totally gone awol. My friends know to wait or offer words but strangers look a bit perplexed. Heaps better than I used to be with that, sometimes it used to take three days to construct a reasonable sentence. Positivity works!!!! So does practice….

      • Total mental block/blank then? Train of thought derailed, rails removed, grass planted in it’s place? Or just a one word blank?

      • Phoebe1 says

        Total, picture looking at an empty cupboard that should have all the words I have ever learned , thought process stalled, frozen, nothing happening .I have recently learned how to try and rewind the sentence but it doesn’t often work. Your description of rails removed grass etc is a good one. Not even a petite mal, had the tests.

        There is a cyst in the cerebellum as well t’other stuff in another place that cannot be removed, just to challenge me.The Doc’s have advised to leave the cyst.To top it off, I am missing an important neuro tube on one side. Others kick in to help but they are extensively sick. So three things there plus another yet to be investigated…..Yes???? you were saying?

        Walkin talkin still though

  8. If you want embarrassing/oversharing stories I am happy to oblige in the anonymity of the interwebs. (Please don’t read this if you’re eating.)

    A few months ago I was having some problems with my ‘back door’ ahem, so I had to go to hospital for a test (SO unpleasent), which included getting an enema, then getting a camera shoved up there, with lots of students watching, and me writhing in pain (because of the air they blow up there).Also, the enema hadn’t worked, so they could all see… all the stuff… you know. Oh the shame. not to mention the feeling like I was going to ‘blow up’ so to speak in front of everyone. So I was praying the whole time ‘please god, don’t let me poo my pants in front of all these people!.’
    Luckily I didn’t. Not so lucky, as I was driving home, I was getting the urge to ‘go’ again (enema was working much later than it should have!) and I realised I was gonna crap myself in the car. Again I was praying ‘please god, let me get home in time!!’. I managed to get home, but as was running down the steps to my house, um, a mini explosion happened. yes, so at the ripe old age of 25, I crapped my pants. oh dear. So glad thats over

    • dragonzflame says

      Oh dear. I had similar happen in the UK after a dodgy curry. Tummy starting to feel a bit gurgly on the first train, got to the station, rushed to the toilet and only just made it (I had literally a second to spare, otherwise it would have been too awful to contemplate – especially as we had another 20-minute bus ride home!). I still pity the lady who was doing her makeup as I rushed in there, but fortunately I was in there long enough that there was no walk of shame.

      • Phoebe1 says

        It gives new meaning to ‘ always have a spare’ doesn’t it….

    • My Mum is now partially paralysed (there is a whole other story in there) and has a flaccid bowel. She is pre-occupied with her bowel movements and frets over crapping herself.

      My darling wifey did a bit of research and found that unless you crap yourself more than once or twice a year, you have no real problem.

      So it isn’t too much to worry about. He said having done something very similar. I couldn’t make it home, made it out of the car, but not to the place I shoulda been. 🙂

  9. Stella says

    Oh it won’t be anything like Jenny. she was a fool; she ate vegetables and drunk water; the baby came out her ear.

  10. If you think that the IDEA of your internal organs moving around to make way for baby is weird, just wait til baby is out and you can actually FEEL those internal organs shifting back again. Now thats weird!!

  11. AndiNZ says

    Jane, it’s your blog, and your prerogative to write about any and everything that’s important to you. And being pregnant is a pretty big deal.

    I’ve seen far less important stuff blogged about!

    As far as the gross-out stuff goes, someone noted that many of us here have had kids, and therefore know what you’re on about already. Those like myself who haven’t can probably just count our lucky stars…

    Or, if we are intending to have babies at some point in the future, either become forewarned of the fun in store, and if squeamish, find something else to do while you discuss the finer points? 🙂

  12. I would love this to turn into a no holds barred pregnancy blog! I’m hoping to have a baby in the next year or two and would love to know about real experiences, not just what they say in books or through a friend’s aunty’s cousin’s neighbour…

  13. At a week overdue with my first baby I thought my body didn’t know how to do this. I was going to be the first woman in the world to be pregnant FOREVER. Then finally it happened. At one point my body took over. It knew exactly when to push and how to do it. It was a kind of out of body experience – hey, it actually does know what it’s doing! Amazing feeling. Real girl power.

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