On Friday I picked up school enrolment forms for LV.
I’m having some trouble getting my head around all this because:
a) What the what? How is it I only just brought my tiny little-old-man of a firstborn home from hospital and now he’s off to school next year? All those old ladies who said “he’ll be off to school before you know it” when he was a baby were right. At the time I was all “um, sure old lady, whatevs” – because every day felt like a week back then – but I’m beginning to realise that old ladies know their shit.
b) I’m going to be a school mum. I’m not sure exactly what that entails – aside from a new drop off/pickup point and barking “have you done your homework?” every evening – but it sounds terrifying. I wear trackpants a lot at the moment – will I have to start wearing active wear or jeans for drop off? Should I dress up in an 80’s power suit to make all the other mums think I have a high pressure job so they won’t hit me up to bake shit for school fairs?
I know that LV going to school is definitely more about him than it is about me, but allow me just a moment to freak out about the fact that being a school mum catapults me into a new category of mum-ness that makes me feel a whole lot older and means I’m not so relatable to my mates who are just starting to have kids. Gah, who am I kidding? I already drive a minivan, you don’t get any more school mum than that.
c) How am I supposed to remember the names of all the new kids and parents I’ll encounter as a school mum? Don’t laugh, this is a legitimate concern of mine. I do that thing where I meet someone and I really try hard to lock their name into my memory, but with all the brain-strain I’m filled with self-doubt and I instantly start thinking ‘ Craig? Is it Craig or Greg? Shit. Pretty sure it’s Craig. Wait, no it’s Greg. Craig is the guy who fixed our sink the other day. Or was that Greg? Shit shit shit.’
It’s usually around this point that Craig/Greg says “what do you think?” and of course I haven’t been listening because I’ve been name-panicking, so I’ll say something vague in response and he’ll think my brain is noodles (it is) and that there will be my first impression on this dude, and I will avoid him forevermore because I don’t know if he’s Craig or Greg. Or Geoff.
d) People keep saying I won’t know myself when LV starts school because of all the extra time I’ll have. That would be fab except, hey dudes, he’s currently in daycare four days a week from around 9 till 4, so he’ll actually be doing shorter days at school. And he’ll be bloody tired from all that learning carry-on, which means he’ll be super emotional and tantrumy.
In summary, I’m having some trouble processing this whole LV-going-to-school thing. I’ve got six months to sort my crazy out because he’s not toddling off in an oversized backpack in May. Luckily he’s super pumped about it, so I guess I can just get him to remember everyone’s names.